Wk 23: I have birthday-promised myself...

Thank goodness for these corduroy-like walkways
which help us over the boggy parts of the Trans Canada trail.

Sometime, about the first week of August every year, my nerves start jumping about in raw disorganization and a million 'To-Do' lists visually conjure up from the frightening jumble that's stuffing up my brain.  And every year I run out to the nearest "Back to School" sale to load up on a fresh supply of Hilroy exercise books into which all these lists get transcribed. A blue book for supply sourcing; the pink book for creative ideas, the green book for financial matters and the encouraging, cheery yellow one for everything else. I live under the ever-hopeful expectations and impression (mistaken?) that if I can only get it all written down in neatly organized, numbered columns that a way to figure it all out and to get it all done ON TIME will become clearly evident.  And, I will be able to breathe again. 

This is the start of another holiday season at GillianCrackers. It is always a nervy, stressful time.  There is much to do, create, buy, produce, stuff, wrap, roll, tape, cut, print, weigh, ship, stamp, record and pack. There are new cracker styles to create, paper suppliers to find, new puzzles to devise and holiday candy to source.  And then there are the dog and cats to think of because, being an ardent animal lover, I like to make Christmas and crackers special for them too. The production end of the crackers is huge and boxes of supplies and activity packs and chocolate are everywhere - stacks of paper boxes which need filling with cut, sized wraps; unfolded paper hats (all hand made) and puzzle sheets awaiting folding stare petulantly at me from shaky make-shift shelves stacked to the ceiling with holiday components - rather uncertainly and everywhere - all reminding me there is much work to be done. The puzzle pencil and the cello bag supply boxes have reached empty and I am reminded (once money is found!) they must be reordered. SOON. And then there is co-ordinating the efforts of others involved - the 'cracker elves'.  These are the folks who help me source supplies, handle late out-of-country deliveries, supply specialty items like this year's handmade (in Muskoka - YEAH!) pewter tree ornaments or the artisanal chocolate truffles which give the crackers their special Victorian-England holiday touches. And then there is the headache of financing (unsuccessfully again this year) the seasonal 'start-up' costs which has never as a result to date 'started-up' on time so I am always a couple of months behind from the get-go. The clouds of stress build and hover like some kind of looming doomsday storm about to break at any moment. Ohhhhh, I have a big, big headache.

Some of the prep work gets done in January when everything is still fresh in my mind from the preceeding months and when there is a ton of feedback from my wonderbar customers (God bless 'em all!) who send in their completed 'customer satisfaction/suggestion' surveys. At that time, ideas for the next season form and take shape for fun new cracker varieties for the next season.

But it is in dear August when the dramatic start of 'nerve season' begins. I mention all of the preceding because, as many of you know, I am trying very hard to live a more healthy life, lose pounds, lower blood pressures, build muscles. And for all this to become a 'habit-for-life'. Nerve Season is the toughest time of year to get through - physically and emotionally.  I start to eat.  And eat and eat and EAT!  And then eat some more. And sadly with so little time available (the normal 10 hour working days having turned into 16-18 hr 'holiday' season days by mid July), I find it harder and harder to get out for any kind of walking let alone a peaceful, energizing hike on the trails. I'm sure many of you with pressured jobs and schedules can relate.

And so, last week, while not surprised, I was dismally dismayed to see the scales creep up 2 pounds already and my blood pressure was again through the roof. This cannot happen. It WILL NOT happen. I turn 60 in just 20 weeks and I have birthday-promised myself that I will be a healthier person going into the next decade. This is a soul-promise and it can't be broken no matter what. It is very hard though with so little time to eat well when working such long days. Instead of taking the time to make vegetables and fish, I end up eating bread and anything that doesn't require cooking. Including looting the Christmas Ghirardelli chocolate supply. (And, as I keep telling my Swiss-Canadian chocolate-loving friend, Diana, I don't even LIKE chocolate!) This year though I am GOING TO LICK THIS. I have made some pre-emptive strike changes, filling up a freezer given to me by friends Diana (same one) & Wray (thanks so much, guys!), with multiple varieties of 'whole-food' soups, stuffed green peppers and other healthy, portion-sized entres all made in my own kitchen with controlled nutrients and calories. It will all be so welcome when the pressure gauge turns up a few notches by October 1st.  The harder thing to plan for is exercise - finding the time, the energy, the will to get out onto the trails.  So I sat myself down Friday and delivered a stern admonition: Life is short and getting shorter - To live it well, to the utmost, to squeeze every last little bit of enjoyment out of whatever years remain, health is essential. I resolved Friday that a daily short walk and at least two longer weekly hikes are a continued must. MUST. I really enjoy them and after 8 months they are almost an ingrained habit - it's just a matter of being given the self-permission to get up from the office chair, leave the holiday season work on the desk despite the awesomely growing piles, grab the backpack and. go, GO, GO! 

Yesterday I enjoyed a soul-refreshing, body-energizing hike along the Wilson Falls Trail and the Trans Canada trails - both the northern and southern Muskoka River  routes. The fungi were ablaze with deep reds and golds, a few trees are already dressed in autumn glory, the summer birds are leaving replaced by jays and other feathered friends who winter here. I gathered up acorns - abundant all across the forest floor - for my backyard chipmunk friends (I don't think they like them though!). The trails stretched ahead for 8 or more miles and I walked and walked and walked all the nerviness out of my brain and legs and enjoyed every little minute of living in the moment.  And there were surprises; most notably the sudden flight of a mighty heron taking off as I passed by his perch. My legs feel like velvet today and my head is clearer. And I am ready to tackle the seasonal work-load and challenges. For today, at least. I know I can get through the holidays with health, trimming pounds not adding them, lowering blood pressures not raising them. Like the "Little Engine who Could", I CAN do this!  I CAN, you betcha. Cross your fingers and toes for me and ... stay tuned.  Sigh.

If you enjoyed this week's blog, please feel free to pass it along to friends, colleagues and family or anyone who may enjoy / benefit. Have a great week everyone.

Thanks for walking along with me on my footpath this week.
Gillian.

This photos for Week 23 are HERE:
http://www.crackers.gilliancards.com/BracebridgePhotoProject/BBwk23.htm

The Holiday Crackers, if you wish to follow their progress, are HERE:
http://www.crackers.gilliancards.com.

Wk 22: Rain and more rain...

Garden Fence - Front Street, Bracebridge, Ontario

Lots of rain during Week 22 of the project and the pictures had to be gathered slowly and one at a time over the course of the week - in between the raindrops!

The Photos are here. http://www.crackers.gilliancards.com/BracebridgePhotoProject/BBwk22.htm

Week 21: A Time for Everything

The fullness of summer has peaked and the certain signs of autumn and looming winter are upon us here in Muskoka. It is a very beautiful time of year. The ducks are all grown up, bigger, more confident and very handsome indeed. Summer's flowers and shrubs and fruits and nuts have all made the most of their opportunities to flourish and renew the landscape, feed wildlife and fill our eyes and souls.

I have never experienced such a 'flash' of a summer before. It was barely a blink between the first signs of crocus and the change to autumn golds and reds. Where did it all go? This year of reflecting on aging adds intensity to the change of seasons for me. Trying to find where I am in the changing cycle and seasons of life and making peace with that - finding joy in that and hope. And acknowledging responsibility too. I feel so utterly responsible not to waste any days or minutes. Not to squander whatever few talents I possess. Not to wish so much for tomorrow that I lose sight of today. To share and pass on what I can. To listen to young people; to encourage. To be honest with myself and others. To develop unfeigned, clarifying humility. To find something worthwhile within, no matter how meager, to give back to the earth and fellow beings and God each and every day.

At various times in our lives we come to grip in different ways and varying depths with the finite nature of our being. I remember only too well in my early 30's when the truth of death - my death - hit me. I immediately mentally shoved both feet on imaginary brakes. I was absolutely gripped with fear and anger and could not face this news. The ultimate cry of the ego - "how can I possibly no longer exist?" I remember asking God - pleading more like – ‘just give me some time to do the couple of things on my list so I can feel like I have truly lived’. And God did give me that time and I did accomplish those things. And life went on and my understanding of it in relation to death deepened. And I began to realize that the end of life marks not the end of choices but the beginning of some very significant ones that we must make if we are truly to feel peace and live to advantage, meaningfully, generously.

Such as? Well, for me it means choosing to live whatever years I have left within a conscious framework. Aging but not growing old in my mind or heart or soul. Remembering to laugh and play, to notice things and learn, to remember, to tie up loose ends so I can relax and dance on in life without worrying how long it might last. It means still having future dreams and working very hard to achieve them but living every day in the moment. And taking time each day for reflection - no matter how busy, there is always time for some stillness - a short walk, a few moments to watch the blue jays and the chipmunks, take pictures, read poetry, just gaze off into the horizon or watch other people go about their day. Time to talk with God. And to listen.

Thanks for walking along with me on my footpath this week.

Gillian

Week 21:  The photos are HERE.


HEALTH CHECK:
Mind:  Sometimes I just feel bowled over by the nature of life and this was one of those weeks.  I hope this doesn’t sound gooey and syrupy but honestly I don’t think I have ever felt how precious the moments are in a day.  Or what opportunities there are within each day to create and use/develop whatever little talents God’s graced me with.  It hit me like a brick a couple of days ago. Musn’t squander. Will continue to make mental space free for breaks and keep walking, walking WALKING whenever, wherever I can.
Body:  Walked 6 glorious miles on the trails yesterday. Lost another pound this week and the BP is pretty good.  124/85.  Getting there.
Soul Connection:  This week the soul connection was with autumn and ‘life’.  Every turning leaf and ripening berry reminded me of life’s changes. Life lives to survive and ensure successive future generations.  We thankfully can leave most of that work to nature.  But how that future is molded is up to us and the decisions we make and the generosity and commitment with which we live out the days allotted to us.

A Time for Everything:

There is an appointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven.
A time to give birth, and a time to die; 
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; 
A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; 
A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; 
A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; 
A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; 
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3